A larger pair of shoes

I feel old. I'm losing hair, it's turning gray, and I'm not even in my mid-twenties! :O
The past one year has sped up my aging process. Last year this time, mentally I was 5 years old. Now I'm 50. (Weight of wisdom)

So here's my take on life, from the other side of 50:
The parent:
I have to take care of my family. My kids. My house. My work. But no matter how much I do, it's never enough for them. I come back early from office. Just to get demands from the kids. I buy something for them on my trip out, but it is not what they wanted. They're used to getting my gifts all the time. I spend all my time thinking about how I can make my loved ones happier. I'm scared about the bad people in the world. I want them to be miles away from my kids. But I don't know what the kids are up to. They're so secretive about everything. They barely talk to me. And when I try to be a part of their life, I become the villain. I am the control freak. And what do I get in return? Nothing. You never realize that maybe sometimes I want something in return as well. I am not asking you to be indebted to me. No. It is my duty as a parent to love you. But, I want to feel cared for too. I want my kids to feel they're loved and love me back. Sometimes all I need is a hug. A word of thanks. A little love is all that I am asking for.

The other side:
It's not like I don't know what you're doing for us. I see your struggle. I see the office pressure, the commute, the sacrifice. I know you love me. I see it. It's just that sometimes I wish to do things by myself. I need to grow up too. Live life. See what's out there. You cannot keep protecting me from everything that's out there.
So what if I'm the weak one? How else will I know what's not good, if I don't make my own mistakes? You cannot live my life for me.

My take on arriving at a balance is, when you are a parent, let your kids do things that they can do themselves, by themselves. Have you seen the number of spoilt brats around? One mistake parents make is in thinking, Oh he cannot do this by himself, without even letting them try first. And then there never comes a point where they think the kids have grown enough to do that particular work themselves. You are not only making kids lazy, but also instilling in them that someone is there to do it for you.
Kids on their part don't realize just how much their parents do for them until they themselves become parents. They're always expecting something done, as soon as the words are out of their mouth. Realize that if there is something that you can do yourself, never ask someone else to do it for you.

You cannot point your finger at any of them. They're both right, almost. Just that somewhere a line needs to be drawn. No matter how old you are, kids will remain - just that - kids to the parents. The trick is in finding the balance.
Which you achieve when you turn 50 (mentally)

On a related, lighter topic, check out the picture. Sometimes kids know more than their parents. Time for a role reversal then.

Miss you Dad.

It might sound out of the blue, but it has been on my mind for a while now. I have this feeling that as each day is passing by, I am going farther and farther away from everyone. Especially my Dad. To begin with I was really close to him. Usually girls tend to share everything with their Moms, right? But in my case, it was quite the opposite. I would tell everything to my Dad first and then he would tell Mom. So much so, that the first time I had my periods, I told Dad about it!

I was the apple of my Daddy's eye. I would readily agree to whatever he asked me to do. I had a Mushroom cut during my teenage years- the time when everyone is trying to dress up and be more feminine. I remember wanting to grow my hair after a certain point but held back because Dad liked it this way.

He was the funniest guy I knew. I loved his jokes. Like, ALL of them. I was his favorite kid. I started off watching cricket and liking it because he liked it. I think everyone is careless as a kid. Everyone makes mistakes. Mom would be the one who would always keep complaining saying look at her she is so careless/irresponsible. But Dad always overlooked it all and tried to save me from her wrath.

Then it began to change. Everything from cricket to hairstyle. From the jokes to the possessiveness. He slowly started agreeing with Mom. Things gradually began to change. But I remember this particular instance and things changed dramatically. I remember someday something happened, and he was like, your Mom always used to point out your mistakes and I would overlook them. But now I see that she was right.

And that's when he ceased being my God. That's when I started moving farther away from him. Now, I don't share anything with anyone. What is the point? Everyone's going to judge you anyway. Even your parents.

I know these are growing up issues. And I really want to get back to being my Paa's girl. I don't know what to do. I miss him. I wish he could see I am grown up and treat me like an adult. But then again, for him I will always be his daughter who he has to protect from the world.