Look up!

Why isn't anyone there when you need them the most! Don't I deserve even that much? Called people who I wanted to talk to, to feel better when I was down and the best thing they could say to me was you suck! I mean seriously, is that the best you can do?! And to think that these are the people who are supposed to understand you and you look up to.  Sickening- being desolated.

And just when you give up all hope you see a lightning in the dark! It's when you differentiate real friends from "friends" :)

Of mood setters and downers.

I'm sure you have your own set of songs which take you to a different mood altogether. Here is a list of songs that really make me go :)))))))


Kya Mujhe pyar hai -Remix
Jaane kyun - Dostaana
Jab mila Tu -I hate love storys
I feel good - Anjaana Anjaani
When you say nothing at all - Ronan Keating
Drive - Incubus
Annie's song - John Denver


On the flip side, the songs that make me go :( like completely, totally. I always end up crying:


Bawraa Mann
Bin tere - I hate love storys.
Tujhe bhula diya - Anjaana Anjaani


Which of these figure in your list?


On a similar note, Have you heard the song, Na Na Na by Akon? I'm sure you would have. I don't know how I missed it for so long, but after carefully listening to it today it felt like a spoilt brat wanting a toy that he really fancies and crying until he gets it.The nasal voice quality doesn't help either. I mean really? You wanna make love after you've broken up? And then sing "nana na na na" ?!!! Song writers bhi na! Kuch bhi likthe hain!

Aaaand...the continuation!!

And just when I thought it was the most boring day ever, the night was the best ever! Watched Inception - (my second time) and again got the same feeling of heavy-headedness that I had got the first time. Dude, that movie keeps you glued to the screen and makes you use up so much of your brain! I actually had a head-ache! 
Either that, or it can put you to sleep. :) (I'm not joking, I actually saw a couple of them sleeping on each other! Don't know how they slept through such an epic movie though!) 

Anyway, so after the movie, I was invited to this awesome party where all the guys got drunk as hell and started dancing to anything and everything. Super funny it was. And then us girls joined in to the dance. It was so much fun! Danced till like 2 am until I was tired. And pissed at a drunk guy actually. He hit me twice for no reason! WTF! Actually I think he wanted to touch me one way or the other(Eww! I know!) These men think getting drunk gives them the license to do anything they want to! Bah. On the other hand, it was cute to see P and K trying to flirt with me. Haha. Usually they act like they don't care, but since they were drunk, it was different. Reminded me of Kutrapalli from The big bang theory ;)
I actually had a crush on P, but now that I know he likes me too, he's become just another guy. :P
So after all that dancing, plus the "hits", weariness set in and I left the place. Guys sober enough to drive, were sweet enough to pick us up and drop us home. But wait a min, I haven't reached home yet. The cops pulled us over on the way! The guy driving had taken a wrong turn AND he didn't have a license! The one who DID have a license wasn't driving! Call it good luck, or just a happy ending to my awesome second half of the day, the cops were kind enough to let us go with just a verbal warning.Being sober helped too... So yay to being sober! 

All in all a day with all it's balances.  It actually made me realize that everything comes in equal amounts. Yin-yang. Male-female. Love-hate. Day-night.....

So the next time you feel low about something, fret not, because a bright new day is right around the corner. :)

Weather woes and etc.

I've never ever been this bored in my entire life. And the bad weather doesn't help either. Went to the library to try and manage to finish homework. But thanks to two long phone calls, that is still undone. Wanted to go to a particular restaurant but didn't go, thanks to "busy" people. Come to think of it, I probably should have gone alone... Lesson learnt: Never depend on anyone for things that YOU want to do. Anyway, so no food, no homework. Plus a terrible neck ache all day, coz of an improper posture while sleeping. Since the day has practically come to an end, (it's just 5 pm and it's already dark as hell) I can't look forward to things getting better either. Hope you had a better day than I did!

Miss you Dad.

It might sound out of the blue, but it has been on my mind for a while now. I have this feeling that as each day is passing by, I am going farther and farther away from everyone. Especially my Dad. To begin with I was really close to him. Usually girls tend to share everything with their Moms, right? But in my case, it was quite the opposite. I would tell everything to my Dad first and then he would tell Mom. So much so, that the first time I had my periods, I told Dad about it!

I was the apple of my Daddy's eye. I would readily agree to whatever he asked me to do. I had a Mushroom cut during my teenage years- the time when everyone is trying to dress up and be more feminine. I remember wanting to grow my hair after a certain point but held back because Dad liked it this way.

He was the funniest guy I knew. I loved his jokes. Like, ALL of them. I was his favorite kid. I started off watching cricket and liking it because he liked it. I think everyone is careless as a kid. Everyone makes mistakes. Mom would be the one who would always keep complaining saying look at her she is so careless/irresponsible. But Dad always overlooked it all and tried to save me from her wrath.

Then it began to change. Everything from cricket to hairstyle. From the jokes to the possessiveness. He slowly started agreeing with Mom. Things gradually began to change. But I remember this particular instance and things changed dramatically. I remember someday something happened, and he was like, your Mom always used to point out your mistakes and I would overlook them. But now I see that she was right.

And that's when he ceased being my God. That's when I started moving farther away from him. Now, I don't share anything with anyone. What is the point? Everyone's going to judge you anyway. Even your parents.

I know these are growing up issues. And I really want to get back to being my Paa's girl. I don't know what to do. I miss him. I wish he could see I am grown up and treat me like an adult. But then again, for him I will always be his daughter who he has to protect from the world.

Of life here and there

Some of the things I noticed that I like about the place and things that I don't. Things that mean so much here which you take for granted there...Things peculiar to me:

Been ages since I washed my feet. I was so particular about it in India! Every time I came back home from outside I HAD to wash them. Here: it's all good man!

It's been ages since I moved in a gang of girls. Actually any gang. Everybody here seems so preoccupied and busy with their own life. It's either their bf they are with, or no one.

Speaking of which, I think I like PDA. I don't see anything wrong in it. But you don't get to see it much in India.
PDA moments : When a girl at the place where I work at walked in wearing *nothing* but her bf's formal shirt. I thought it was cute :) everybody else (read: men) was staring ;)

Watching a sixty year old couple kiss with all that love even after all this time. It was the most romantic thing ever...

I like how you can speak to anyone here without wondering about his age and thinking Oh he's older I'm supposed to speak to him with deference. Everyone's on the same ground here. On the flip side I don't know where to draw a line between "normal talking" and "taking orders" from others.


Realized how annoying it is when you have a mixed group of people and you speak in some alien language known only to you and your friend. I always talk in English in a mixed group. You should too!

Smiling at strangers.
It looks forced most of the times to me. But sometimes it kinda brightens up your day. :) There's this old retired guy who waves to me every time I pass by his home. Feels nice.
But, Imagine smiling at strangers back home! People would either think you're crazy or there'll be a pack of hounds chasing you at every corner of the street.

You somehow become more Indian after getting here. I've never ever liked wearing authentic rural Indian stuff ever. But I will be wearing something soon, and I'm actually looking forward to it!

Strange it is, what life does to you...

It is complicated!

See how people have their status messages as "It is complicated". And then you wonder, how can it be "complicated" you're either in or out of a relationship. This is one such example of complications!

This is a complex love story about P. He was the first guy she loved. He made her believe he liked her too. They were together for a while and then one day the guy decides to move on saying this is not going anywhere, let's look around and find other people.
Should have been the end of the story. But this was just Blow #1.
She tried hard to forget him, but every time she met new people she would compare and think he was so much better. And as time passed by, she began "hating" P. Hating in quotations because every time she even got a glimpse of him, she would go weak in her knees and withdraw away from him, fearing he would hurt her again.

Meanwhile he gets "committed" to another girl. And when she had opened up to him after he had assured her he will be there for her always, leaves her. Reason? The Jane was too plain for him. A few flings later P and his first girl get back together. Happily ever after? Not the case.
Both of them profess their love and he convinced her once again, that she was the only one he loved. She wasn't convinced at all, but as time passed by she gave in.
Was she stupid or what?! Or the guy was a real smooth talker. Whatever it was, they were happy for a while and then followed the usual problems.
Jealousy. Insecurity.
But on the positive side, no signs of infidelity from the guy considering his history.
They made compromises. They had fights.
Both of them had shortcomings.
And then he leaves her again. Blow #2.
And the cycle repeats.
Neither of them is over the other but they are not together.
Hence, the status " It is complicated".

Questions I have for you :  I probably have to get married soon. I don't want to be in P's situation where he leaves her and goes as per his convenience. I'm married and I realize some qualities in him are not to my taste and vice-versa. Both of us compromise. And that is how it is meant to be.
Considering you are happy with someone, and you have a few fights and make up, repeating in an infinite cycle, what is the condition to check to get out of the loop? How does one person decide "The End"?

Sadness

Guess what? I opted out of the skit. Psch. Kinda feeling bad. I really wanted to do it. But somethings you just know won't work out in the long run... And this was one of those things...

I thought there was too much that was left to do in too less time...Leaving that aside, even after a month's practice there would be no guarantee that the skit would be performed..So thought I'd rather take part in a dance which won't take as much time and which will happen for sure.

:( Still feeling bad though..I wanted to do it.......

The Art of Acting

Gahaha. Not that I have a lot of knowledge over the topic. But I am beginning to realize it is not as easy as it seems. Portraying your emotions in front of an audience and making them feel what you are feeling is a HUGE task. Trust me.
All this gyaan I'm giving out coz I just started acting in a play/skit which is a love story. How it began and continues..Your typical love story.

The first scene required me to fall into his arms and look into his eyes like I'm in love! I mean, here is a guy you don't even know, and you have to act like he's the center of your world! So many problems I had.
First thing, it's plain embarrassing.
Second, you have to do it with more than a dozen pairs of eyes watching you!
If it were in a room with only the two of you, it is somewhat fine. But otherwise it requires a lot of effort to ignore the people around you, get the feelings of each scene right and finally, have the confidence to do it in front of a group of people.
Now I know why, in movies, they prefer less people to shoot with in intimate scenes. Or why co-stars are linked. To make it look real, you have to get comfortable with each other and if you get comfortable, it would look real! So, you have your catch-22 situation right there. :)

It's been good so far. I'm doing it to explore my limits. To see what I can and can't do. And how much I like what I do.
More later!

Feel good feeling

Feeling real good today. That I can do things by myself. Feeling independent, intelligent and in love with myself. I just had a Research meeting with my Professor, and what he was talking about actually went to my head. The previous Prof I worked for, didn't make me feel this way at all. Partly it was because I never read/did what he asked me to do. And I did his work because I HAD to. And partly it was because he didn't know what he wanted me to work on in the first place.
The new Professor is a lot nicer and makes me do things until I understand them, or actually want to do them. He is a lot more precise in the direction he wants me to head and is so much more practical. It's making me WANT to learn and do things by myself. Hope this state lasts for a long time!

On a completely different topic, going to a Salsa class today. Should be fun!

Shopping!

Right now the one thing I miss really badly is shopping in India. I'm not a shopaholic as such but sometimes I get this sudden urge to spend on myself. I bought the latest iPod Touch from the bookstore today! Yesssss, Thank you very much :)I had ordered one from Amazon a week back, but it would be shipped after like a month, and I couldn't wait that long! I had to pay about $30 extra today and I thought, I wish I could bargain! ;)

That reminds of me of this one time I went shopping all alone at an exhibition in Parade Grounds. Some ethnic stuff was on sale. And there was a "Fixed price" board beside these slippers I really liked. But me belonging to the category which doesn't pay the asked price(for street shopping that is), I couldn't pay the full price. I had to bargain! The slippers were for about 60 Rs. And I was like, round it off to 50.
I figured he had to be making some profit on the slippers anyway, so 50 was a good deal. But he was adamant, he kept pointing at the board marked "fixed price" and refused to succumb to pressure. I finally got tired and decided to pay 60("Acha theek hai bhaiya 60 mai de do"). But guess what happened next.

That guy didnt want to sell me the slippers anymore! He was like "Mujhe abhi nahi bechna hai,jao!" WTH! I was so embarrassed. Lucky for me,I didnt have company that day, but then there were other people around, enjoying the whole situation.
It was a sad day for both of us. I didn't get my slippers and he didnt get his profit. Mad fellow. Anger is weird. Almost everytime you think back, you regret being angry at that moment.


Anyway....coming back to the point, take me street shopping!