Source Control 2.0

It is so annoying to listen to people talk about guys. Stuff like, How big their shoulders are. Or how tall they are. Pbbth.
 I mean there is so much more to think about than how they look! I switch off totally. Start making plans for next week and stuff. 
Speaking of which, been trying new awesome things, with new people.
 I went sailing! Amazing it is. If you ever get a chance to do it, you should. But be prepared to get tanned. So if you're planning to get married soon stay away. ;)
Or NOT. what the heck. It's your life!
Ok coming back, I forgot to put sunscreen on my shoulders and you won't believe how burnt they are now. So check point #2 : Wear sunscreen everywhere! Wait a min. Check #2?
What was check point #1? Be prepared to get tanned even after applying sunscreen.
Of course don't expect to be a master the first day. You'll get to hear tack, jibe a lot... If you're the inquisitive type you might wanna google about how sails masts work. You'll get a better perspective and understanding..
Abba I always go into weird details no? Anyway so I went out at about 10 am. And then there was no wind for the next 2 hours. And sailing is no fun with no winds. There is nothing to do. So we did the next best thing. Took off our clothes and jumped into the lake. ;) Had our own pool party with other people from other boats deciding to jump into the lake too..
Oh check point#3 : take hand sanitizer with you..you'll need once you swim and decide to eat. Sorry for the details again. But hey what fun is it without details?
Life would be so quiet without any digressing and arguing and coming to a consensus.
Applause for the originality! Ty Ty.

Ok then we ate and did some sailing. Since it was my first time I was just the ballast. Meanin whenever you tack (change the direction of the boat) you need to quickly go to the other side of the boat so there is more weight on the other side..
We had races with other sailors. Won one came 2nd once and came last the other time. And no there were not just 2 boats smart ass..
All in all I liked it. Will go again next week..hopefully.

Then last week I also played tennis..I think I'm naturally good at sports. Its like the chips for all sports are built in.. I just have to activate them..Also realized that I find  physically active men very appealing. It is sexy when guys put all their energy to return a shot. And what better sport to find that in than tennis. Ooh la la.

Studying wise, this semester is the most testing of all. Work getting more demanding plus two courses that I've taken as a distance student so I graduate this December. Then the job search.. You think you've reached  the stage where you are comfortable. And just when you start to get more comfortable, you are taken off guard. It's ok I guess. And then you feel good about yourself. Personality wise you are awesomer. Smile-wise you cant get any better.
I like to think I'm not narcisstic. But reading these posts you think otherwise, no?

Ugh and I hate trance. It is absolute shit. You have to be a dope head or completely drunk. Not my thing at all. I went to this dj concert kinda thingy. Full bored I was. Hard earned money gone down the drain . Bryan Adams is playing soon closeby. Dont mind paying for that..

Mythological past Modernistic future.

Interesting read:

http://ibnlive.in.com/blogs/madhuribanerjee/2956/62470/the-5-guys-every-woman-should-have.html

Read and come back here to discuss with me.
Ok first the title: 5 guys every women 'should' have is a bit too much. I don't think the categories of the bad guy or the love buddy need to be in there.

I also think you can't really put one person in just one category. There could be an overlap of traits, after all, humans are complicated. Your best friend could smoke or be the bad guy, vice-versa. The one person who fits all the categories would be your husband. More than the habits/ thoughts it's how well you gel with him.
Who cares what has happened in the past. Everyone has a past. But if you want that to ruin your future, then even God can't help you.
Going by the comments on that page, half of them are scandalized about dragging Draupadi into this. To them: Go read/ watch the series again. Actually read. Because a video edits out a lot of details from a book.
You cannot compare everything to the scriptures. Back then, there was no government. There were kingdoms. And different rules. People thought differently. When someone gave a word to someone else, it was final. Draupadi wanted Bheem to go kill someone just because he didn't keep his word. Would that happen now? Are men like that?
When the men have changed, so have the women.
Did women work anywhere other than being maids or courtesans or cooks back then? Didn't the men enjoy more than women and treat them as objects?
Now we have women working and running the household. some cases even supporting the out-of-a-job husband. The household dynamics have changed. There is a shift in power. The man is no longer the 'man' of the house. Roles change. So do the expectations.
But still there are men out there who want to treat women like they are objects. Wake up! Give her the respect she deserves.

And then there are others on that page, who are offended just to think that their wife would have been with a guy before. Hypocrites who would have desperately wanted/tried to get a gf in college, but couldn't get one. And now can't accept it that she would have been with someone. To all of them, may you get a wife who will lie to you about everything, just to keep you happy. Who will fulfill every whim and fancy, and keep you 'happy'.

People don't know from the beginning if a relationship will work or not. You keep going until you/other person feel that you cannot marry this person.
And then there is the fresh new start. It's not that a girl/boy would have wanted to have a past. It's just that he/she does. Accept it. Don't let that ruin your married life.

Does the writing seem too feminist? I'd love to know what you think about this.

A perfect world.

Everybody has their own priorities in life. Some want to earn a lot of money. Some want to be famous. Some just want to be known as "the-guy-who-does-X-awesomely".
Whatever it is, everybody is after something.
But in that pursuit of theirs, they're trying to put everyone else down. Why I ask? Why are people the way they are?
So what if you don't know something? Accept you don't know it. If the other person is mature enough, he will understand that you haven't done it before and would help you learn.
But if the person is one of those countless others who once you tell them you don't know something, will belittle you at every possible occasion just because he 'knows': that's when people act like they know it, even when they don't..
Actually it's not even about maturity. Coz even old uncles who are supposed to guide and support you put you down! So, it'n not even about age or maturity..Some superiority complex I guess. Everybody wants to be called a stud. Doesn't matter if they themselves have gained knowledge some 5 mins back from someone else, in front of others, they portray themselves to be know-it-alls.
To avoid that feeling of being put down.
But children, Wake up!
Arey how can everyone know everything bhai? What faaltuness.

At least they're being honest. At least they're trying to learn. At least they tried.
So this one time my friend invited us over to her house for lunch since her parents weren't home. She had made food for a big group (about 10 people) so salt/mirchi is bound to be off by a bit. But hey, atleast she tried.
Then, this guy started making fun of her. Why did you try to cook? Why did you even try making things when you couldn't? Paapa. Atleast she cooked. Atleast she invited You!
Boys are idiots.
People are mean!
And I am a saint.

Thank God It's Friday~~NOT!

Just a week of work and I can see my whole life in front of me. Right now I have 5 days of work + cooking + living with a room-mate.  Later, all of this + A dog + kids! Too much to handle I say.

Sometimes I feel why are we even living? I mean, for what? 

The past week's been crazy. 6 am to 6 pm. And then cook and stuff and it's 10 pm- time to sleep, if I want to be able to get out of bed the next morning. My dad would have been so proud of me right now ;) 10 pm is when he would want me to sleep during Engineering. But things don't happen like you want them to.

Was waiting for today. Friday. But what I had planned to do with my roomie didn't happen because....hold your breath...she wanted to watch Splitsvilla. SPLITSVILLA, for crying out loud! I'm giving her the silent treatment. But this state is not gonna last for long. Knowing me, the words are gonna spill over anytime now. I hate it when people cancel plans for shit reasons. Trying to divert my mind by blogging. 

Any suggestions to see this doesn't happen in future?

One way is to make new friends from other countries.  Atleast you know they won't be watching #$%$^$^ Splitsvilla for sure. 

Another could be...not make any plans at all? Sha, that's not even an option. You have to keep going out. Keep living life even when you don't want to. It's what we're born for apparently. Live and then Die. But WHY?

The Parting

My room-mate left yesterday and the room is suddenly empty. I mean when she was here it wasn't like I would speak to her all the time, but atleast her presence was felt. Now it suddenly feels like I'm all alone in this big bad world. Ok full dramatizing it only no? But no, I actually miss her..

Mmm..So before she left we were awake till 4 am..talking about ourselves, what we thought of each other, about others, love, life after this and all... Bits and parts of the conversation:

Background info: Topic was about love/husband etc. We're all single.. by_choice/otherwise.

S: Somewhere some body is made for me. I believe in destiny.
A: You have to believe, you don't have an option. :))

I felt good about the fact that she thought I was a good human being even though I can be a little rude at times. And she thought I could brighten up someone's otherwise dull day just by talking to them. :) Now, that was something!

We dropped her off to her new destination which was about an hour's drive from here. A guy she knew was kind enough to take us all and say the final good-bye. We had heard from her that the guy is super intelligent and all that. So we were kind of curious to see him. All these intelligent types are a little too careless I feel. (Based on a few other intellectual souls that I know)
So this guy picks us up and we drive off for about 10 miles before he realizes the fuel tank is almost empty. And the bad thing about this country is that you have to drive far and wide before you get to a gas station. So we headed back, all the way speculating about how many miles we would have to push the car back. Luckily for us, we reached  before we ran out of gas completely. On the way back he's trying to drive fast because the logic was to reach back before we run out of fuel. :)) I was like, the faster you go the more fuel you spend. He's like, "Oh yeah." And then slows down!

The ride this time was without any more casualties. I wouldn't know. I was sleeping. Good thing about me travelling is I can sleep wherever whenever. Bad thing is my mouth is open a lot of the times.....and if you are sitting beside me, you could be in a mess :P

We reached the destination and had a look around the Capitol building. While we were taking pics, I realized Mr. Smart_guy had forgotten to shut his car door and it was wide open on a busy road! Luckily nobody crashed into it. Then after he closes the door, I ask him if he had the keys. After I ask, he checks, and says yeah they're in my pocket! OMG what a bhulakkad!

I always thought my guy should be full intelligent sorts. Now I think he should be responsible more than anything else.

After the interesting journey, we dropped her off, pacified the crying girl, managed not to cry and headed back to the empty house.

The time in our lives can be likened to walking an empty long road. No matter how many people you meet on the road, you have to reach your destination by yourself, all alone.

PS: If you ever happen to read this, I miss you.

Best friends? Maybe not.

So, I just got off the phone with my best friend. I've known him since about 12 years now. Right from school to now we've kept in touch. We were pretty close. Quite the opposite in disposition. I would get home from school everyday and tell him all about what happened in school. And he would just sit there listening. Never talking. Considering I am usually quiet one, you can imagine how quiet he must be. Hmm...So maybe we are not quite different after all.

So yeah we grew up. Made friends. Had crushes. I would tell him all about them. Tell him how it breaks my heart to see them in love with someone else. I remember even crying over the phone once for some other guy and he would just console me. He told me about his girl and how she lied to him.

All this while never did we have feelings for each other. I mean I cannot think of him as "my guy".

Today he calls me and says I've been thinking from sometime now, and I think I see you more than just a best friend. I was like :O!
Then he goes on to tell me about sometime where he had introduced me to one of his friends and I spoke to him more than I did with him. He was uncomfortable then, but brushed off his feelings thinking they were just best-friendish feelings. When he thought back about it recently, he thinks he was Jealous.

We recently went on a trip together. Friends and family included. I thought I saw a look in his eyes- an irritated sort of expression when I wasn't spending as much time with him. I sorta brushed it aside.
Didn't realize what was about to come.

Now it's all so weird- I mean I don't feel anything for him. Like nothing! But then thinking about how our families our close and him knowing everything about me..it probably would seem wise to say yes to him.
But then again I don't love him...I feel bad that I will be breaking his heart, coz I know exactly what it feels like when someone breaks your heart.
Strange is love.

I told him maybe he thinks this is love because he has opened up to me. Maybe he just needs to talk to other people more. (Didn't know what else to tell him)
Then he says take your time and think about it.....But I am pretty sure about what I feel for him...
How do I tell him that without breaking his heart?
Feeling weird/bad that I lost my bestie. Things will never be the same again now.
Why oh why do relationships have to be so complicated?!
Why oh why can't a girl and a guy be best friends!!!!

Look up!

Why isn't anyone there when you need them the most! Don't I deserve even that much? Called people who I wanted to talk to, to feel better when I was down and the best thing they could say to me was you suck! I mean seriously, is that the best you can do?! And to think that these are the people who are supposed to understand you and you look up to.  Sickening- being desolated.

And just when you give up all hope you see a lightning in the dark! It's when you differentiate real friends from "friends" :)

Of life here and there

Some of the things I noticed that I like about the place and things that I don't. Things that mean so much here which you take for granted there...Things peculiar to me:

Been ages since I washed my feet. I was so particular about it in India! Every time I came back home from outside I HAD to wash them. Here: it's all good man!

It's been ages since I moved in a gang of girls. Actually any gang. Everybody here seems so preoccupied and busy with their own life. It's either their bf they are with, or no one.

Speaking of which, I think I like PDA. I don't see anything wrong in it. But you don't get to see it much in India.
PDA moments : When a girl at the place where I work at walked in wearing *nothing* but her bf's formal shirt. I thought it was cute :) everybody else (read: men) was staring ;)

Watching a sixty year old couple kiss with all that love even after all this time. It was the most romantic thing ever...

I like how you can speak to anyone here without wondering about his age and thinking Oh he's older I'm supposed to speak to him with deference. Everyone's on the same ground here. On the flip side I don't know where to draw a line between "normal talking" and "taking orders" from others.


Realized how annoying it is when you have a mixed group of people and you speak in some alien language known only to you and your friend. I always talk in English in a mixed group. You should too!

Smiling at strangers.
It looks forced most of the times to me. But sometimes it kinda brightens up your day. :) There's this old retired guy who waves to me every time I pass by his home. Feels nice.
But, Imagine smiling at strangers back home! People would either think you're crazy or there'll be a pack of hounds chasing you at every corner of the street.

You somehow become more Indian after getting here. I've never ever liked wearing authentic rural Indian stuff ever. But I will be wearing something soon, and I'm actually looking forward to it!

Strange it is, what life does to you...

It is complicated!

See how people have their status messages as "It is complicated". And then you wonder, how can it be "complicated" you're either in or out of a relationship. This is one such example of complications!

This is a complex love story about P. He was the first guy she loved. He made her believe he liked her too. They were together for a while and then one day the guy decides to move on saying this is not going anywhere, let's look around and find other people.
Should have been the end of the story. But this was just Blow #1.
She tried hard to forget him, but every time she met new people she would compare and think he was so much better. And as time passed by, she began "hating" P. Hating in quotations because every time she even got a glimpse of him, she would go weak in her knees and withdraw away from him, fearing he would hurt her again.

Meanwhile he gets "committed" to another girl. And when she had opened up to him after he had assured her he will be there for her always, leaves her. Reason? The Jane was too plain for him. A few flings later P and his first girl get back together. Happily ever after? Not the case.
Both of them profess their love and he convinced her once again, that she was the only one he loved. She wasn't convinced at all, but as time passed by she gave in.
Was she stupid or what?! Or the guy was a real smooth talker. Whatever it was, they were happy for a while and then followed the usual problems.
Jealousy. Insecurity.
But on the positive side, no signs of infidelity from the guy considering his history.
They made compromises. They had fights.
Both of them had shortcomings.
And then he leaves her again. Blow #2.
And the cycle repeats.
Neither of them is over the other but they are not together.
Hence, the status " It is complicated".

Questions I have for you :  I probably have to get married soon. I don't want to be in P's situation where he leaves her and goes as per his convenience. I'm married and I realize some qualities in him are not to my taste and vice-versa. Both of us compromise. And that is how it is meant to be.
Considering you are happy with someone, and you have a few fights and make up, repeating in an infinite cycle, what is the condition to check to get out of the loop? How does one person decide "The End"?